Hey, Danielle, it looks like you gained a few.– Waiter at work (later apologized and said he was trying to say I had a nice ass, or my ass was filling out….either way, I’m still going to the gym.)
Dreams are shit
I have a good 7-8 men and women that are technically on the peripherals of my life but cycle through my dreams pretty regularly. I’m not talking about my family, close friends, etc. I’m talking about that kid that sat next to me in 3rd grade, two guys I work/used to work with, a few people I met at parties, middle school friends whom I haven’t seen in years, and the occassional...
I have a paper cut on the top of my pinky finger. Typing is torture.
David: Why are you taking shots?
Me: 'Cause, I wanna. BitCH!
Elizabeth had never been more at a loss to make her feelings appear what they...– Pride and Prejudice Chapter 57 (via mybrandyalexander)
For my chemistry (general-education) project, I decided to present on the effects of Methane on the enviroment because I thought it was funny that it produced by cow farts. Now that I have to present on said topic, I just feel childish. Still can’t help but giggle.
I wish I could chat with strippers, I feel like they’d be great friends. Plus, they always have ones lying around to help a sister out.
David: Hold on, let me drown some Zombies real quick.
Me: You can't drown zombies. There are already dead. Dummy.
I'm so sad
That I can’t watch any movies shot with subjective camera and night vision. It reminds me of Paris Hilton
Is being called crude in your fiction writing workshop a compliment or insult?
I love literature
Me: Great, now I’m only going to be thinking about boobies all day. Jeremy: Welcome to my world.
I told you so
Or would you simply laugh at me and say: “I told you so, oh I told you so. I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in I told you so, but you had to go. Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again”.
Would you ever sell your wife for a large sum of money (million(s) of dollars) for one night with a stranger (like “Indencent Proposal” with Demi Moore)?
I need a Mocktail with some real fucking hard A on the side.
She knew he would be trouble when he whipped out his cock at a party.– First line to my next short story. Let’s go.