And I love you guys
Today, one of the moms pulled me aside at Gymboree and started the conversation by saying that a couple of the other moms were talking about me. My first thought was, “Oh boy, what are they judging me for this time?” (Of course, I’m a bit of a pessimist)
She said, “They were talking about how active Declan is. They were saying how tired you must be all the time and how you probably need a stiff drink at the end of the day.” To this, I just laughed and said, “Yeah, I totally do most days!” She followed up by saying, “He’s just the most ‘busy’ babies I’ve ever seen. You’re doing great. Those moms said they don’t think they could handle it.”
Now, I don’t think D is much different than most kids. He is very physical and likes to be moving, kicking a ball, throwing something, running, but I just don’t have a kid who likes to sit much.
Oddly, I feel a little validation from our conversation. I feel like they understand the struggles I have sometimes. So often, I see parents tear each other down and have the “Who has is worst?” contest all the time, in real life and on the internet. I haven’t had an experience where a mom laughed with me and gave me a pat on the back like that before. It was an amazing feeling.
I’m having a hard time writing while D is awake. He plays by himself pretty well, but I have this guilt that I have to deal with. I feel guilty if I’m not playing with him or doing something for the house (cleaning, cooking, etc).
Don’t get me wrong, this kid is not bored. This weekend, we were gone for 4 days at my in-laws. We went to the beach, a wedding where D danced his booty off and the zoo. On Tuesday, we went to the gym then played outside and in the baby pool. On Wednesday, he had swim lessons, went to the kid’s science museum, played baseball outside. Today, we went to the inflatable in-door kid’s gym and played outside. Tomorrow, we’ll go to Gymboree class, the grocery store and bowling.
Yet, I feel like even when he’s just playing trains or building blocks that I should be right there with him. If I’m sitting on the couch or in the kitchen on my laptop or with a notebook, I feel crappy about it.
How do I let it go and just get some words down? How do I manage this guilt and let D play independently without feeling like a crappy mom?
I wrote a poem about a shady ass cat. tbh, all cats are pretty shady.
— Philip K. Dick (via nwroth)
To waste my time by roping me into a scammy “job interview” or to post job listings where the compensation is “experience” or “gratitude” or “exposure.”