Let it Rock

I haven’t been writing much here because I’ve felt like I’ve needed to keep some stuff in the dark. If you ever met me in real life, you’d know that I have a huge mouth. So, keeping secrets is definitely not a character quality that I possess. Now that the world knows that I’m pregnant. I can get these things out. 

Things they don’t warn you about pregnancy in Health Class: 

- You will not take a shit ever again. Like, the most basic human function of changing your food intake into crap is something that your body just forgets how to do. 

- Belly bloat. You thought your period was bad? That two Chipotle burrito food baby? A large strawberry milkshake and an In ‘N’ Out Double Double made you balloon up? Wait ‘til you’re going 8 weeks strong and you should just hook a small wicker basket to your belly button and let a small family of fleas go on a hot balloon ride. 

- Fake looking real boobs. I blossomed very late in life and that’s a freaking understatement, but one day I woke up and my boobs felt like two heavy rocks. I went up a band size and a cup size. Where was the boob fairy when I was 14?!

-Go ahead. Wear a tank top under a long sleeve shirt under a sweater. You’re left nipple will still get hard at random times for, like, no reason at all. 

- Hear that? Yup, you’re stomach is grumbling even though you just pounded out two corn dogs, a large order of chili cheese fries and a $1 cheeseburger. Oh, you thought Thanksgiving dinner was going to fill you up? Wait for Thanksgiving dinner #2, #3 and #4 all before 9pm. Because you will always be hungry. 

-Never fart in front of your significant other before? Just wait ‘til you fall asleep on the couch. 

-Oh, yeah. About falling asleep on the couch. Be ready to fall asleep on the couch, on the toilet, standing in the shower, leaning on a clothes rack at Target, or on the carpet a foot away from the bed because you just couldn’t make it any farther. 

Couldn’t they have said all this shit was going to happen to my body? Or did I thoughtfully block that out?

Obviously, I wrote some posts before we were ready to make the big announcement.

For every New Year, I usually like to make predictions of the year ahead of us. This is the first year that seems overwhelming and mostly unknown to me. I’m not one to like surprises but it seems like the next 20+ years are all going to a surprise.

Somedays, I bounce between being very excited and happy and being scared shitless. I doubt that I will be good at this parenting thing. I’m not so good at this pregnancy thing. I whine a lot and I let the symptoms get to me a lot of the time. I’m a worrier by nature and that only makes it all worse.

This year, I will tackle a lot of things. David and I are starting a brand new adventure that neither us have experience before. It’s like going extreme bungee jumping over a lake of fire that’s filled with snapping alligators. It’s frightening and exhilarating. Everyday is a new test of our strengths and is stretching our personalities and our skills. I only hope that each day gets more exciting and I’m completely up for the challenge.

ahsconfessions: